Jobs Mario Needs

Yes boys and girls, it's true. Nintendo has recently announced that Mario is no longer a plumber. Since 1981 Mario's debut in Donkey Kong it's been unknown what was his occupation and how the hell could he afford a gorilla named Donkey Kong. It wasn't until the game Mario Bros that Mario and his brother Luigi were officially deemed as plumbers, a matter of fact the game is them dealing with creatures that got flushed down pipes. Over the years as Mario went on to save Princess Peach, he kinda taken his plumbing job in the back burner with it being referenced in a couple video games. Now that it seems that Mario has officially hung up his... plunger? What will he do now to earn coins for a living?

Game Show Host

Mario sure knows how to throw a party. With doing all the zany mini games in the Mario Party series that he and other Mario characters do, why don't he become a game show host? The mini games almost have a American Ninja Warrior or Double Dare feeling to it, why not ad trivial questions to it and have it become a full fledged show? His friends be chased by boulders, boos, and wack each other with hammers for coins. Why not for other fabulous prizes? Maybe a BRAND NEW CAR!

Racer

Mario Kart is easily hands down the most successful Mario spin-offs. Its popularity was huge enough for it to be treated as a it's own thing in Super smash Bros with  not only stages dedicated to the games but items as well. It's time for Mario to take off on the sudden high wave of popularity and shift gears and become a race car driver.

Bodyguard

Let's face it. The Toad guards are not doing their job right. Even getting kidnapped themselves. Peach needs to up her security.

Actor

I know we all remember the Super Mario Bros movie and how horrible it was (We can never forget tragedies. They haunt us forever.) Horrible cinematography? Could be. Bad script? Maybe. Bad acting? Dennis Hopper wasn't a great Koopa in it so probably, but it was definitely missing something: Mario! Maybe if Mario himself could've saved the film from being one of the worst video game movies ever. The first movie he was in didn't suck... that much.

Doctor

So Mario has been a doctor for a while in the Dr. Mario games. No longer being a plumber could mean him finally putting on the white jacket permanently. The Mushroom Kingdom needs a prescription that only Dr. Mario can fill out! Wait, Mario is an actual doctor, right? If not at least he can play one like a certain one on TV.

Fuck It! Enjoy Retirement

Fuck it. Life's too good to be fixing leaky pipes and toilets. You can just live the retired life. You've accumulated a ton of money from busting blocks and traveling to countless worlds saving Princess Peach over the past thirty plus years. Plus I'm sure Ninendo and Miyamoto-san can cut you a check or at least give you a piece of the Mario game sales, right? RIGHT? No? Oh. I wonder if lawyers take gold coins.